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HELP MY CHILD LIVE DRUG FREE
Help Your Child Resist Peer Pressure School Systems
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Dear Parent, "Not MY Child!"
Here’s How To Help Keep It That Way
Let’s face it: everyday, your children and mine have to navigate a tough world. Much tougher than the one you and I had to make our way in.
They have pressures we never could have dreamed of at their age.
As parents, we do everything we can to shield our kids from danger. Maybe you’ve chosen to send your kids to a better school, or even tried to help them choose friends that will be good influences.
But no matter what you do, you can’t guarantee your child will never be exposed to illegal drugs or alcohol. As parents, we don’t want to admit it, but the cold hard numbers don’t lie:
By the time they’re 17, 70% of kids say they’ve been offered illegal drugs, according to yearly surveys conducted by Columbia University.
That includes kids at “good” schools. And kids who’ve been sheltered from bad influences.
That includes your kids and mine.
It’s Our Job To Protect Them From Statistics Like These
The same study says that 80% of high schoolers, and 44% of middle school students, have personally witnessed things like:
- Illegal drug use
- Illegal drug deals
- Illegal drug possession
- Students drunk, and/or students high on drugs
This study wasn’t conducted at tough, inner-city schools. It included a wide range of private schools, religious schools, and schools in wealthy suburban areas.
It included a school just like the one your children attend.
We don’t like to think about it, but numbers like these mean that even our kids will eventually be offered some kind of illegal substance.
There is a storm gathering – a giant Katrina-sized hurricane – and it’s headed for your child. Its name is “peer pressure,” and the forecast says there’s an 80% chance that it will make landfall right in the middle of your child’s life.
The only question is whether or not he’ll be prepared to withstand it.
For the free booklet "How to Talk to Your Kids about Drugs": Click here
For Spanish version: Click here
Ever Wonder How Your Child Will Resist This Pressure?
I’m sure you remember being a young teenager. How desperately you wanted to “fit in” and be popular.
And no doubt you realize that your child feels the same way.
So how certain can you be that your child will be able to resist when older, “cooler” kids try to pressure him or her to “take a hit?” In that moment of decision, can you really know what your child's reaction will be?
The most supportive thing you can do is to help take the pressure off of your child. To give your child an “out” so that he doesn’t have to choose between being popular and doing what’s right.
You won’t be there when your child is offered drugs. But that doesn’t mean you can’t shield him from drugs.
Give Your Child The Power To Say “No”
If you were standing over your child’s shoulder every time drugs were offered to him, it’d be pretty easy for him to resist. But of course you won’t be – at least, not physically.
But just imagine how much easier it will be for him if he can say, “I can’t do that – my parents drug test me every month.”
He can put all the blame on you if he wants, and not have to face the pressure and ridicule he might have gotten for a nervous “no” of his own.
That’s what drug testing does for your child. What you can do for him. It gives him the gift of your support and protection right when he needs it most.
By The Time You Suspect Drug Use, It’s Too Late
It’s easy to say, “I’ll just wait until I suspect there’s a problem.”
The people of New Orleans waited, too. They were told a storm was coming, but for whatever reason didn’t get prepared beforehand.
Once the storm hit and the levees broke it was too late.
And once your child’s behavior changes to the point that you become suspicious, it’s too late for him as well. You’ll have missed his first nervous experiments – those are all too easy to hide – and you’ll be dealing with a full-blown problem. Statistically, by the time parents begins to suspect that their child is using drugs, the child has been using for two years.
But parents who have a plan and a program in place before a problem ever arises keep the problem from happening in the first place.
They make it much less likely that that first experiment will ever happen.
And if it does, they catch it while it’s still a tiny little rain cloud that never has a chance to grow into a big, destructive hurricane.
Take a quiz to find out if your child is at risk for drug use: Click here
Suspicion Damages Relationships:
Prevention Strengthens Them
Adolescence is already a wild ride. Hormones are raging, and your children are trying to discover who they are.
Girls are prissy one day and tomboys the next. Boys are moody and sullen today and the life of the party tomorrow.
With all of this natural change and turmoil, how are parents supposed to spot the warning signs that a child is drinking or using drugs?
Imagine coming to the horrible suspicion that your child is using. His behavior is erratic, his grades are falling. So you, as a concerned parent, decide to spring a surprise drug test on him.
You try to ignore the knot in the pit of your stomach as you administer the test. You try not to let him see the worry you’re feeling.
And when the test comes back negative, you nearly faint with relief. You turn to him and smile, offering a hug.
But you’re shocked when he angrily pushes you away, and shouts through his tears,
“How could you think I was using drugs?”
He feels betrayed, suspected. As if enough isn’t going wrong in his life, you’ve falsely accused him of something horrible.
Now there’s no way he can tell you what’s really wrong.
Of course, none of this happens in families with a “Drug Free Family” program in place.
For the 16 drug prevention principles: Click here
5 Simple Steps To Raising A Drug And Alcohol Free Child
Here at The Council On Alcohol And Drugs, we’ve gotten a lot of praise for our Drug Free Workplace program. It’s helped 7,800 companies become certified as drug free workplaces.
And the federal government has proven through extensive research that the 5 steps it contains work to prevent drug abuse.
But we think preventing drug use is even more important for kids and teens. This is why we’ve incorporated the same 5 steps into our Drug Free Family Program, and made all of them available on this Web site.
The Drug Free Family Plan
1. A “Family Policy” against drug use and underage drinking.
Our Drug Free Family Plan includes a sample, fill-in-the-blank family policy to go over with your child. This family policy helps your child know what’s expected of him and what the consequences will be if he does not meet those expectations. Every member of the family should read and sign the policy. Keep it posted in a conspicuous place in your home. For a free fill-in-the-blank Family Policy, click here. Please note that you are required to enter your valid email address in order to download free materials. We will not sell or share your email address with anyone.
2. A Parent/Child Contract.
Our free Parent/Child contract allows you to customize which privileges may be withheld if your child violates the Family Policy or contract. Both you and the child should sign the contract and a copy should be given to your child. If your child tests positive for drugs or alcohol, he or she will have already agreed that certain privileges will be revoked. For a free customizable Parent/Child Contract, click here. Please note that you are required to enter your valid email address in order to download free materials. We will not sell or share your email address with anyone.
3. Random drug testing of children ages 13 - 18.
As we discussed earlier, random drug testing doesn’t mean you’re suspicious of your child, or that you’re merely trying to “catch him in the act.” Rather, it gives him an out when he’s facing the pressure to use. However, urine-based drug testing of children could hurt the parent/child relationship, and kids know how to beat a urine test. That's why we only provide oral fluid (saliva) based drug and alcohol tests manufactured by a 50-year-old Fortune 1000 company. Click here for a PowerPoint presentation to learn more about these clean, effective, affordable tests. Scroll down to learn more about whether or not you should be testing your child. Keep reading to learn about the dangers of using ‘cheap’ imported drug tests. Click here to order the test now.
4. Training for parents.
What are the signs that your child could be at risk? How should you approach him or her about this subject? Can you drug test him without making him feel you don’t trust him?
Here at The Council on Alcohol and Drugs, we've developed a full range of training materials for parents. And our Drug Free Family Plan includes monthly training newsletters to help remind you to talk to your child on a monthly basis about the dangers of alcohol and drug use in age appropriate and culturally competent language. To subscribe to the free monthly Parent Training Newsletters, click here. Please note that you are required to enter your valid email address in order to receive the free monthly Parent Training Newsletters. We will not sell or share your email address with anyone
To watch a five minute parent training clip: Click here
Take a quiz to find out if your child is at risk for drug use: Click here
For information on marijuana: Click here
5. Counseling and treatment made available when needed.
Should your child ever test positive for an illegal substance, or need treatment or counseling of any kind, we’re here to help you be prepared. Our Drug Free Family Plan includes access to online counseling and treatment resources. To search for a treatment center in your area, click here.
A Danger Too Real To Ignore
If you’re like me, you’ve done everything in your power to protect your children since the day they were born. You work hard to provide the safest environment you can for them.
But even the nicest neighborhoods and the most exclusive schools are not immune to the threat of drug and alcohol use.
We all want to say “Not My Child!” And if we take action now, we can make sure that statement remains true.
I wish your family the best.
Sincerely,
Chuck Wade
President & CEO
The Council On Alcohol And Drugs
PS – You buy insurance in case there’s an accident. You go to the doctor for checkups to keep from getting seriously ill. You go to the dentist to prevent cavities. You change your oil and get regular tune-ups for your car to keep it running smoothly. The Drug Free Family Plan, and regular drug testing, is just another part of making sure your child’s life continues to run smoothly.
Don’t wait until there’s a breakdown. Order your Drug Free Family Plan today!
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Frequently Asked Questions
Won’t drug testing make my child feel like I don’t trust him?
That’s much less likely if you approach the subject in the right way. Start the conversation by telling him you know he’s going to face this pressure sooner or later, and that you remember how uncomfortable it can be to resist peer pressure. Then say you’ve found a way to help him. Explain how this lets him make you the “bad guy,” and just gives him an easier way out of the situation if he needs it.
And be sure and tell him that you’re not the slightest bit concerned any of the tests will ever come back positive. This is just your way of giving him some extra strength and support in difficult situations.
Isn’t drug testing an invasion of my child’s privacy?
Let’s face it: kids this age are just starting to assert their independence. Some balk when you try to help with homework, some pitch a fit if you even ask if homework has been done! So it’s possible that your child may accuse you of invading his privacy by drug testing him.
There are several important things to remember, and to remind your child, regarding this question:
- You are the parent. It’s your responsibility to keep your child safe. You feed him, clothe him and provide all the things he needs. This gives you the right and the responsibility to know what he’s doing.
- You’re the one that will have to pay any medical or legal bills that will result from any drug use on his part.
- You’re not asking for blood or urine. All he must do is hold a tiny sponge swab in his mouth for 2 minutes once a month – hardly “invasive” at all.
And of course, you’re not doing this because you expect him to ever test positive. You’re doing this solely to help him resist difficult pressure.
I had my own experiments or problems with drugs as a teen. How do I tell my kids not to do something I did? Won’t they say I’m being a hypocrite?
Not if you are open and honest with your child. In fact, you probably know better than anyone why they should stay away from drugs and alcohol. As you explain the dangers to your children, tell them that you understand the pressure they’ll be under because you felt it too. And that you gave in, and wish you hadn’t.
Let them benefit from your experience, and maybe they won’t need to learn the hard way from their own.
For the free booklet "How to Talk to Your Kids about Drugs": Click here
When should I test my child?
Many parents choose to drug test their child at least once each month on a random, unannounced basis, from age 13 to age 18. This helps to ensure that your child does not become complacent about the tests, and that your testing program is taken seriously. (These are the same reasons that employers choose to randomly test their employees on a regular basis). Random testing puts “teeth” in your home drug testing program! For this reason, we make a discounted rate available for the purchase of six testing kits.
Don’t kids have ways of altering drug tests, or “rigging” the results, that make testing pointless?
That may be true for urine testing. There are lots of recipes online for concoctions that will mask drugs in urine samples. Kids can even buy “clean” urine to use in tests!
But there is absolutely no way to “fudge” a saliva test. It’s the only test (other than testing hair, which is extremely expensive) that can’t be adulterated, diluted or substituted.
What do I do if my child tests positive?
First of all, don’t panic! The OraLab® test is just an initial test – it is possible to get a false positive result. The last thing you want to do is have a confrontation with your child, only to find out on further testing that the results were a mistake.
Any time you have a preliminary positive result, you can send the test to our lab for confirmation.
But first, calmly show your child the results of the test and ask him what he thinks about the results. Tell him you’ll be sending the test to our lab to have it confirmed. In most cases, when confronted with a positive test result, the child will confess if actual drug use has occurred, and further testing isn’t necessary.
What if my child has taken an over-the-counter or prescription drug? Could that cause a preliminary positive result?
Yes! If the confirmation test is positive, an MRO (Medical Review Officer) will contact you to discuss the possible causes of the positive test.
Remember, the primary purpose of the drug test kit is as a PREVENTION tool. We believe that the potential of being tested, along with your good parenting skills will be enough of a deterrent to help your child decide to remain drug and alcohol free. The majority of tests are negative, and therefore do not need confirmation or MRO services. Again, it is the threat of the test that makes this an excellent prevention tool.
How long do specific drugs stay in a person’s system?
There are many variables. The average length of time for common street drugs is two-to-three days. The average window of detection for marijuana is about 12 hours using our saliva-based test kits, so testing should usually take place at a minimum on weekend mornings and the morning after school holidays. Other types of drug tests (such as hair tests), which are very expensive, detect drug use as far back as several months. If your child experimented with a drug once several months ago, but has chosen to not continue use, the saliva test would not reveal the one-time use.
CLICK HERE FOR AN ORAL FLUIDS DRUG DETECTION CHART
If it is determined that the test is positive because of illegal drug use, what do I do next?
We provide you with a list of treatment and counseling centers in your area (free of charge) and free access to our online counseling resource center. In the case of a positive test, The Council on Alcohol and Drugs recommends that you seek qualified medical treatment and/or counseling services for your child and your family.
Do I Really Need To Drug Test My Child?
I hear this question all the time from parents. Nearly all of them are good parents who’ve done everything they can to protect their children. And so they have a hard time believing that something so ugly as drug or alcohol abuse could ever be an issue in their families.
I have a lot of sympathy for parents like these because I used to be just like them.
I, too, did everything I knew to protect my children – and now, I do even more for the two who are still at home.
But it’s my oldest son who I’d like to tell you about. You see, we made sure he grew up in a nice neighborhood. He went to a good school and liked going to church. In fact, if for some reason I hadn’t taken him to church he would have found a ride with someone else – he just loved it that much.
So I never would have dreamed that drugs could touch him in this environment.
Today, my son is 25 , and I haven’t heard from him in over two years. I don’t know where he is. I have no idea if he is alive or dead.
I know now that when he was only 13 – right in the middle of our nice, safe neighborhood – one of the neighbor kids introduced him to marijuana. They started smoking it together nearly every day right at the end of our street.
If I had been randomly drug testing my son, or if we had the Family Policy against drugs that The Council on Alcohol and Drugs recommends, my son might never have taken the first hit. If he had, I would have found out about it in time to help him.
Instead, I lie awake at night and pray that he’s OK, and that someday he’ll find his way home.
So do you really need to drug test your children? Well, I can’t make that decision for you. But I can tell you that I drug test mine – even though they saw what drugs did to their stepbrother – and hate drugs with a passion.
Because I’m not taking any chances. And I hope you won’t, either.
Chuck Wade
The Drug Free Family Plan
Staci with the Help My Child exhibit
The Fact is:
The Ever-Present Potential of Oral Fluid (Saliva Testing) and Alcohol Testing Empowers Your Child to Resist Peer Pressure to Use Drugs and Alcohol.
Parents know their children better than anyone else. A parent knows that if a child can tell his or her friends “My parents drug test me” it makes it much easier for the child to resist pressure to use. As parents we don’t need university studies to tell us this. It’s common sense! If there is any doubt, just ask your child!
The simple truth is - the potential for drug testing helps kids make the right decisions – to not use drugs and alcohol!
Some “experts” claim that drug testing may be “perceived by adolescents as invasive and a violation of their rights, potentially damaging the parent-child relationship,” but do you know what is much more damaging to a parent-child relationship? A drug addicted or alcoholic child! Don’t risk this happening to your child. Parents have a right and a duty to protect their children.
At the 40-year-old nonprofit agency, The Council on Alcohol and Drugs, we understand that observing the collection of a urine sample would not be acceptable to most families and is not advisable. We also know that urine tests can be adulterated or diluted with water and teenagers have become quite adept at beating urine tests. In addition, teens can purchase products from the Internet that "clean" urine by interfering with standard drug tests. Hair samples can also be difficult to obtain from a donor with short hair and they don’t reveal recent use.
For these reasons, we only sell the Oral Fluid (Saliva) drug and alcohol tests.
Click Here to Order Now
These clean, efficient, inexpensive tests are high-quality tests manufactured by a 50-year-old Fortune 1000 company. We have been providing this brand of drug testing product to our drug free workplace clients for more than seven years.
The OraLab® product has stood the test of time in the corporate marketplace.
CLICK HERE FOR A POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ON HOW THE TEST WORKS
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE DRUG TEST:
Q: What happens if my child tests positive?
A: The OraLab® test is an initial test. If you get a preliminary positive test result, it does not necessarily mean that your child is using drugs. If the test is non-negative, (preliminary positive), you will send the test to our laboratory for confirmation.
Q: What if my child has taken an over-the-counter or prescription drug, could that cause a preliminary positive result?
A: Yes! If the confirmation test is positive, an MRO (Medical Review Officer) will contact you to discuss the possible causes of the positive tests.
Remember, the primary purpose of the drug test kit is as a PREVENTION tool. We believe that the potential of being tested, along with your good parenting skills will be enough of a deterrent to help your child decide to remain drug and alcohol free. The majority of tests are negative and therefore do not need confirmation or MRO services. Again, it is the threat of the test that makes this an excellent prevention tool.
Q: How long do specific drugs stay in a person’s system?
A: There are many variables. The average length of time for common street drugs is 2–3 days. The average window of detection for marijuana is about 12 hours using our saliva-based test kits, so testing should usually take place at a minimum on weekend mornings and the morning after school holidays. Other types of drug tests (such as hair tests) which are very expensive, detect drug use as far back as several months. If your child experimented with a drug once several months ago, but has chosen to not continue use, the saliva test would not reveal the one-time use.
CLICK HERE FOR AN ORAL FLUIDS DRUG DETECTION CHART
Q: If it is determined that the test is positive because of illegal drug use, what do I do next?
A: We provide you with a list of treatment and counseling centers in your area (free of charge). In the case of a positive test, The Council on Alcohol and Drugs recommends that you seek qualified medical treatment and/or counseling services for your child and your family.
Q: When should I test my child?
A: Many parents choose to drug test their child at least once each month on a random, unannounced basis. This helps to ensure that your child does not become complacent about the tests, and that your testing program is taken seriously. (These are the same reasons that employers choose to random test their employees on a regular basis). Random testing puts “teeth” in your home drug testing program! We make the discounted (bulk rate) available to parents in order to keep the tests affordable.
Q: How should I introduce drug testing to my child without hurting our relationship?
A: Tell you child that you love him and trust him, but that you know he is going to face peer pressure to use drugs or alcohol soon (all kids do at some point), and that you want to make it easy for him to say “no.” Explain that by drug testing him on a regular basis, this makes you the bad guy to his friends instead of him having to take the heat for saying no all alone. Make sure he understands that you are doing this out of love and because it is your duty as a parent to protect him.
Why Random Drug Testing of Children is Necessary!
If parents do not conduct random drug tests of their children, what are the alternatives?
One alternative of course would be to not drug test our children at all. But how well has that been working for America? For the past six decades, America has had one drug epidemic after another. In the 60s, it was an LSD epidemic, in the 70s a heroin epidemic, in the 80s a cocaine and crack cocaine epidemic, in the 90s an ecstasy epidemic and now, here we are in the middle of a methamphetamine epidemic. America is 4% of the world’s population, yet we consume 60% of all the drugs produced worldwide. Listening to the so-called “child experts” throughout the past 60 years has not worked very well has it? America has continued to raise generation after generation of children predisposed to drug and alcohol abuse. Albert Einstein once said: “Insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over while expecting a different result.” We simply must change the way we raise our children, and we must take responsibility as parents to protect our kids from harm. When random testing is done correctly and consistently, it is a good long-term prevention method.
A second alternative would be suspicion-based testing. Among adults in the workplace suspicion-based testing requires reasonable suspicion, and within law enforcement, a search for drugs requires probable cause.
Surely that same high level of probable cause and reasonable suspicion is not necessary when a parent is dealing with a child!
A parent has parental rights, custodial responsibilities and guardianship duties that necessitate much more flexible rules regarding when and if to drug test a child. Parents have a right and a duty to monitor their children and to protect their children at all costs.
The problems with a parent drug testing only upon suspicion are numerous:
Parents are not experts on the signs and symptoms of drug abuse and may unfairly drug test a child, because they mistake a normal adolescent change in personality for drug use. This could stigmatize the child and damage the parent-child relationship, especially if the test comes back negative. It is much fairer to drug test all children within the family on a truly random basis from age 12 through 18 as part of an established family policy. – (One in 10 children over the age of 12 abuse drugs (US Department of Health and Human Services, 2004),
Only drug testing a child as a response to an accusatory attitude on the part of a parent would be unfair to the child. If a parent is having “a bad day”, or if the child is exhibiting normal adolescent rebelliousness, a parent might overreact and drug test the child out of anger or frustration.
Take a quiz to find out if your child is at risk for drug use: Click here
Should I Drug Test My Child?
Drug testing helps children maintain self-control. Drug testing sets limits, and identifies problem behavior early. The earlier that drug use is recognized, the better the chance of stopping the abuse and avoiding addiction.
The adolescent brain does not fully develop until age 20 or 21. The frontal cortex (the part of the brain that regulates behavior) is not fully developed in the teenage brain. The adolescent brain operates on the limbic system, the part of the brain that encourages risk-taking behavior. As parents we must serve as the frontal cortex for our children until their brains fully develop. Drug testing our children helps them to control their own behavior.
Yelling and screaming at a child only makes matters worse. Teens who are yelled at only learn to yell at others. Screaming at, and threatening your teen only works for a short while. Pretty soon, the child will begin using again.
Teenagers are not young adults, they are just big children. Children need to know that the adult is still in charge. Yelling, screaming and threatening will only make a child rebel even more. Performed fairly and consistently - as part of a family policy - drug testing teaches a child to respect the adult. Drug testing allows the parent to treat the child with respect and lets the parent have some control.
Strict, harsh discipline may make a child behave, but only when you are around to watch him. Drug testing helps the child control his own behavior, even when you are not around.
Associated Press Article: Teen use of pot can lead to dependency, mental illness.
Drug Testing Empowers Parents!
Drug testing is an important tool for parents who want to prevent and combat drug addiction.
Drug testing empowers parents to take responsibility for preventing their child from beginning drug use and to intervene when their child is making very poor decisions. This increased monitoring of the child means that parents are no longer totally dependent on just hoping and praying that their child will not begin to use drugs or alcohol.
Drug testing enables parents to take a more proactive role in preventing their children's illegal drug use.
Be Careful When Ordering Drug Testing Kits Online!
Be careful when buying drug tests online! Anyone can claim anything and characterize themselves in any way they wish with no editorial or publication policy or professional standards to restrict what they can say on a Web site. This has allowed poorly designed drug testing programs to develop slick marketing Web pages that can misrepresent the quality of information while not being accountable to anyone. Don’t equate polished advertising with quality drug prevention programming. Just because the person on the phone or from a Web site is smooth and understanding, it does not mean that he or she has a parents’ or child’s best interests in mind.
The Council on Alcohol and Drugs is a nonprofit drug and alcohol prevention agency with more than 40 years of experience providing drug prevention programs to parents, schools, businesses and communities.
Brent's sister, Christi Nowak, died as a result of drugs and the lack of a simple 911 call that could have saved her life while overdosing. Click here for Christi's final pictures.
